at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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