Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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