These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
