the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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