So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
