Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
