YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
