We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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