6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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