It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
