First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
