Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
A bitchslap is in order.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
