I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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