I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
