I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
