I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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