I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
