Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
