He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
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