they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize