You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
