Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we made out on top of his cat.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
