Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
