Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
