Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
