Sorry, I don't speak sober.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
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Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
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Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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