I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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