Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
