went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
