i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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