apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
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