I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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