Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
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well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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