Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
