I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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