he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
