there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
