i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
