i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
