I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
