he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Mom said you looked used
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
