listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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