sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
