Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
