he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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