Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
