You're so nebulous sometimes
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
