my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
