WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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