i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
