Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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