I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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