I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My life is pants optional.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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