marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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