it wasn't lemon gatorade
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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