can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
