I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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