all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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