i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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