My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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