I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
