why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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