remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
