Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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