24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
