If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
