I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
