we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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