If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
