I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
pray to the hookup gods
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
