I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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