Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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