I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
