i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
