you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
