i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
It's like God shit irony all over that family
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Randomize
