Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
