Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
