i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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