Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
