My brain says no but my pants say off.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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