If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
