Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
