I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
