Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Randomize
