you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
