I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
