I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
