It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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