it wasn't lemon gatorade
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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