Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
