Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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